Tubthumping…

Does anyone else remember that song from the late 90′s or did I completely date myself? (You might not want to answer that…I’m fragile) That one song could pretty much sum up my whole entire day yesterday…”You get knocked down, you get up again” So far, I’m still stuck on the knocked down part.

Yesterday was Lauren’s first day at school. Since Ontario likes to run things a little ass backwards, they start at 4 in “Junior Kindergarten” which I am assured it is not like preschool. And since Lauren will attend school from 8:40 until 3:15 doesn’t feel much like preschool.

Adam and I sat in the silence yesterday morning and thought. “Wow. When did we become the parents of a school aged kid…” I suppose it literally did happen overnight… Although she’s been growing for almost 5 years. We went to get the girls up and Lauren came RUNNING down the stairs. “MOM!!!” she said beaming: “I’m SO EXCITED!!” I was so hopeful for a good day. I carefully packed her lunch, reveling in how tall my beloved first born got. We started the walk to school. As we got closer to the school, you could see the fear in Lauren’s face. Holding my breath, we got to the school.

No tears were shed from Lauren or I upon getting to school. She bravely took her backpack off and reluctantly went into her classroom with her head down and tears in her eyes. I quickly swallowed the lump in my throat, waited a few minutes and then quickly exited. Adam and Jillian were waiting for me outside, only then, did I let the tears fall. I always heard how hard it was to send your kids to school. I honestly had no idea.

Not only did I send my big girl to school yesterday, it was also Jillian’s 3rd birthday. THREE. How in the world did that happen?? Adam had decided to take the day off, so we could take the birthday girl out for lunch and see Lauren off to school. Such an emotionally charged day.

At 3, Jillian is SO smart. Ahead of language, her fine motor is on par, but that silly gross motor thing stands in her way. It’s especially difficult to hear comments now. Or maybe I was just raw yesterday. Having a 2 year old who doesn’t walk, usually warrants comments like “Yeah, my kid was late to walk too” Little do they know, we don’t know that she’ll ever be able to walk without equipment. Or far distances. It’s the whole cerebral palsy thing. I carried Jillian into McDonald’s yesterday (her lunch of choice). Adam and I had planned on getting her a high chair. There were none to be found, so, Adam went to get her wheelchair. This old man said “oh! She’s so cute!! How old?” I said “She just turned 3 today.” (y’know, being the bragging mom and all) he replied “Oh!! Nice to be carried by mommy on your birthday” Jillian hid her face in my shoulder and I swallowed the ever appearing lump in my throat. He doesn’t know me, or my kid. And it really shouldn’t bother me as much as it did. However, I’ve noticed that a 2 year old who doesn’t walk is MUCH easier than a 3 year old that doesn’t walk.

(Clearly, I was interrupting her very precious birthday lunch)

After sitting on pins and needles all day, it was finally time to get my big girl from school. I saw her and she was flushed. And in pain. The teachers assistant came to me and said “she didn’t pee all day. She had been asking since 10am, but she hasn’t gone” Cue mommy guilt. Lauren suffered through the day, not sure why she felt the need to hold it all day. I’m clearly hoping for a better today today or I’ll be needing copious amounts of booze. In some way I blame myself… If I had got her socialized more, she would have been ok. Do I pay attention to Jillian more? I don’t think so, but who knows how she feels… Stab into mommy’s heart. Please let today be better.