Shit Happens…

Right? Earlier this week, I shared a few tips on what every person should know before procreating. If you missed that awesome post- read it HERE. I managed to mention poop TWICE in that post. And it wasn’t even very long! That lead me to thinking… Since Everyone Poops, MOST of us have some funny stories that revolve around poop. (Or maybe I’m weird, since I find bodily functions funny…)

Here’s our story. Lauren was pretty young. I want to say just a few weeks old. Being the avid researcher I am (ahem. Chronic googler…Googling, being more addictive than partybingo.com, but costing me only what little spare time I have) I read the benefits of skin to skin contact. I suggested to Adam that we try to get Lauren happier about taking a bath. I told him HE should bath with her so she could get skin to skin with him as well. I swear they both weren’t in the tub more than 5 minutes when Lauren pooped in the tub. I’m standing there, laughing hysterically while Adam is freaking out that she pooped in the tub. Adam starts yelling at me to “TAKE THE KID!!!!!!!” and I couldn’t stop laughing. Needless to say, he has never taken a bath with the girls again. My bad…

My partner in crime, Rhea said this:

When Anthony was just a little newborn and my mom was over visiting, and he needed changed.  I took his tiny diaper off and suddenly he started shooting liquid yellow, foul smelling baby poop out of his butt!  It was overshooting the changing table, so quick thinking me, I tried catching it in my hand so it wouldn’t land on the carpet.  My mom came to help and we were both laughing….hysterically as we both tried covering his booty and catching poop.  I was COVERED in it.  it was disgusting.

Next up? Heather!

It was right before Hannah’s first birthday. We didn’t know she was sick and we were at Ikea in the line up to pay. There was a little girl behind us who kept asking her mom what stunk so bad…it was our kid. Rob took her to the baby room and was in there a LONG time. I paid and waited for them to come out. She comes out in a ‘the back up outfit’ and I start to snicker. Rob is not impressed. He hands me the kid and takes off. I see him talking to an Ikea employee and then he comes back. What was that about? I ask him. He said he needed to tell someone that the baby room needed cleaning. He got it everywhere but it couldn’t be helped. He said there was nothing he could do. Her sleeper was used to mop up as much poop as he could and then it went in the garbage. He used every wipe, every paper towel – every everything we had to clean her up and she STILL needed a bath when we got home. Poor kid ended up in childrens with an IV the day before her birthday.

Amanda says:

I was breastfeeding Zach, so he had those man fart sounding poops that everyone in a 10 mile radius knew the kid was pooping. Well, Chris’ parents came to visit for the first time, and the just couldn’t believe he hadn’t pooped, and didn’t we need to check, blah blah blah. We assured them they’d know, and you can hear it. They didn’t really believe us. Then while I was holding Zach, and Chris’ dad had the video camera out, Zach let one rip. Chris and I both both said, “That was a poop.” They were appalled that such a sound could come from such a tiny being.

Kathleen-

My mom and I were at a community garage sale when my third son was about 6 weeks old. He was breastfed and I went to change him on my lap in the car after we had stopped at this one sale. I lifted him up to get the dirty diaper out from under him and I guess he wasn’t done, because yellow mustardy breast milk poop sprayed all over the front of my “white” shirt. My mom starts cracking up, I start crying and she ran off to see if she could find me another shirt. The end.

Kori from Princess Hairstyles says: (Oh! And if you have a little girl, GO check out her blog! Super cute ideas!)

Well, this is more disgusting than funny.  But.. when my oldest boy was a baby, I went to get him out of his crib in the morning to find he had taken off his diaper and smeared poop all over EVERYTHING.  It took me hours to clean it up.  I still can not believe he would do that.  It was so gross!

Kimberly from Pretty in Pink Mama says:

Our first son did a number on us once!  OR twice.  We were in the middle of changing a major blowout and we thought he was done.  We thought WRONG!  His poop shot right out while we had his legs in the air and it hit the wall, the dresser,  and the worst place ever, the mini blinds!  Being our first we were in shock and awe.

Our second did the same only he shot dad in the stomach – I was laughing my ass off!  He freaked out that he got hit, which I admit is gross, but payback for all those diaper changes he managed to escape from in my opinion, lol.

The worst story I have happened last year.  My youngest who was only one at the time was inside watching cartoons while I was in the front chatting with my neighbor – Tammy.  I kept the door open so I could see what he was up to and every so often he would check in.  Normally in the early morning he was a bit groggy so he usually just kept to himself and ate while he watched a cartoon.  Well, it must have been boring that morning because when I got back inside I discovered my little guy, buck naked and his poopy diaper lying on the area rug.  He was happily sitting on one of our kids fold out sofas smearing his poopy little bum all over it.  He had poop on his hands and legs – it was horrible.  Luckily though he managed to only get poop on the washable fold out sofa cover so I only had to wash that and him.  I think I wrote a post about it at the time it happened.  I might be able to find it if I did.

Nichol from Kiddies Corner Deals:

Oh I have two funny poop stories!  When we were potty training him, he despised it.  He would pee no problems.  We would get him off after sitting forever, go play outside and poop right on the deck, driveway, in the grass like a dog he didn’t care as long as it wasn’t on the toilet.  It was funny but cleaning up poop from your 3 year old all the time sucked haha.

Once while potty training him we were swimming at moms house.  He just went in and peed.  Came out and swam and pooped in the pool.  It was horrible, wet poop floating everywhere (GAG)  Trust me I gagged forever on that one.  The pool was gross.  I had to use a hose to clean him off and gave him a shower outside then brought him in for a bath.  The pool job was my husbands job!!!

Why didn’t anyone ever tell me my kid would poop anywhere he pleased?

Karen who is totally a Fab Grandma-

When my first child was born, I was living in Germany with my Army husband. He was discharged early, so I had to leave and fly back to the states when my son was only 6 weeks old, by myself, the day before Christmas Eve. There were delays in Frankfurt, that caused me to miss my flight from New York to Atlanta, so by the time I got home to my mother’s house, I had been awake and trudging around with a newborn for more than 36 hours. I was exhausted.

My mother cooked me a hamburger, and right before she served it to me, I had to change a poopy diaper. I washed my hands, then sat down to eat that hamburger. I started to lick what I thought was mustard off my finger, when I realized I hadn’t washed my hands quite well enough–it was that newborn baby yellow poop! My mother and I were the only ones who saw it, and we still laugh about that 40 years later.

Kassandra from Coffee and Their Kisses-

When Nick was 1-1.5 we had him sleeping in his room on a regular full size bed. I went to get him in the morning and he had took off the diaper and rubbed it all over the bed, the walls, the floor, toys.. It was all over him and anything remotely close to him. I was appalled by it, but looking back it’s hilarious! Nick thought it was just too funny at the time and I just wanted to beat him lol!

So, there you have it. Most moms enjoy talking about poop and laughing about it too! Tell me your funny poop story, we can laugh at each other’s expense!