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A conversation about vaginas.

This was originally published on September 22, 2010, I am 1) trying an experiment and 2) I thought it was funny enough to bump. (plus… I haven’t blogged in a while. whoops)

Totally random, right? A little background… Most times during the day, my kids like to watch TV. Not excessively or anything, but sometimes more then I like! I bought a used TV for $25 to put downstairs in our rec room. Best $25 I ever spent. The girls play downstairs and I get to watch adult programming during the day! YAY! I decided to watch Dr. Oz today. Of course, I was chatting with Rhea when the show came on. Today’s show was all about vaginas. Here is our conversation about the mysterious “organ” (Dr. Oz’s words. Not mine) that all girls have. And according to The Bloggess some women have TWO vaginas. (Also? The top 10 myths about vaginas- what I linked, is ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS)

Me- Dr. Oz is talking about vaginas today.

Rhea- yay vaginas

Me- I don’t usually watch this show… But since I bought the $25 TV, I can watch adult programming. LOL
apparently people don’t know about their vaginas.

Rhea- woot

Me- I know I have one…
does that count?
scary… there’s the OBGYN who designed a special microscope to look at the skin on vaginas.

Rhea-lol
that’s good tv

Me- dr. oz just told me to send my kids out of the room so we can talk about vaginas.
done and done, dr. oz.

Rhea- hahaha he must love his job

Me- I’ve never seen this show… I like the doctors though.
each part of your vagina is IMPORTANT. Um, alrighty then.
they’re calling a vagina an organ.
aren’t you glad I’m telling you all this?
He just brought out a VAGINA.
well… the inside stuff…..

Rhea- loving my vagina lesson

Me- he has this woman fingering a vagina.

Rhea- OMG wtf kinda show is that?

Me- I don’t know, I’m a little shocked. it’s like a train wreck, I can’t stop looking.
they just used opening a present as an analogy for a vagina.

Rhea- hahaha awesome

Me- your vaginal walls thin out when you turn 40. sucks to be you, Rhea.

Rhea- fuck you cheryl. not cool. not cool at all
i think my thin vagina works just fine
you are watching vaginas, i’m watching how they make egg rolls
LOL

Me- I think my vagina is the only thin thing on my body.

Rhea- no kidding

Me- do you have pain during intercourse? Get some estrogen tablets via a thing that looks like a pez dispenser.

Rhea- I’m hungry
i want egg rolls and pez

Me- you can also rub olive oil on your vagina. then you could smell like a salad or pasta.

Rhea- olive oil? Seriously….this is a blog post

Me- ATROPHE AT THE VAGINAL WALL?! WHAT? I know. (totally a good blog post!)
I should be taking better notes.

Rhea- you know how trisha posts her and Kims chats? I think this is shareworthy

Me- Now they’re using bowling as an analogy for orgasm.
I think it is too.
I’ll do it.
I’m totally tagging you too.
vaginal atrophe is bad.

Rhea- LMAO
does that happen with lack of use?

Me- LOL no! age! 40 is bad!

Rhea- fml

Me- pain during intercourse…
at 40 your rate of orgasms go down…
because of vaginal wall atrophe!

Rhea- well, i have 3 more years to have lots of orgasims then!

Me- Now, you can buy a VAGINAL DILATOR

Rhea- HAHAHAHAHA

Me- “use it or lose it”
it’s like your bicep…

Rhea- you’re making this shit up

Me- it’ll become saggy and weak
I’m not. I can’t make this shit up.

Rhea- nothing worse than a saggy and weak vagina

Me- Your pelvic floor can sag. Better do some kegals!
Can you imagine? “Hey doc… I think I have a saggy and weak vagina. I need some steriods.”

Rhea- did he say steroids would help?

Me- nope. the dialator would though…
I mean if something is saggy and weak, I think steriods would help, right? this is going to be the best blog post ever.
I’m going to get all kinds of freaks

Rhea- LMAO

Me- I can’t leave the living room now. I don’t want to miss anything about vaginas.
hope the girls don’t kill each other.

Rhea- can a vibrator be a dialator?

Me- no, it’s this special weird thing that kinda looks like one, but not. I need to do some research and find a picture of one.
(thanks to soulsourceenterprises.com for the picture…)

Rhea- hahaha

(At this point… Rhea left me to go do something important. But, I kept talking to myself about vaginas…)

Me- I wonder if penis’ can be dialators.
ooooh Road map to an orgasm!
do you know your anatomy?
“hard to get help for it, if you don’t know the terms”
really??
You can’t just say “my baby maker hurts”??
Or “Love canal?”
vulva… Such a weird word. Why does vagina sound like a disease?
vagina is a TUNNEL!
now I’m talking to myself…
“Clitoris, vestibule, labia minora”
I’ve never heard of a vestibule….
if you want to have an orgasm, you need to know where your vestibule is. .
Lauren just came up and said “Jillian’s being mean to me.” I said “I’ll be right there. I’m doing very important research”
ooooh the vestibule is the entrance….
why didn’t they just say entrance?
if a medicatation has “dry mouth” as a side effect, it’ll dry out your vagina too
I don’t like talking about vaginas without you…. where’d you go?
aw, boo… vagina talk is over… now it’s about bunions.
my spell check doesn’t recognize “vaginas”

Rhea- he went from vaginas to BUNIONS?
LOL
anthony’s teacher called….
i have to go do some school with him
i’m a bad teacher
(Rhea is homeschooling… I think she should teach Anthony about vaginas. Very important business here)

So, there’s our talk about vaginas. Aren’t you glad I enlightened you a bit??

(Thanks Andy from The Creative Junkie for the picture…)




Comments

  1. I’m with Rhea on this, thanks for the vagina lesson lmfao!
    Nichol recently posted..Online coupon codes with Coupon Cactus

  2. I’m missing that show – I’m at work. Maybe I can stream it in to the office. It would confuse the heck out of all the guys I work with and they’d have no choice but to leave me alone. Hmmmm!
    Sheri recently posted..Tinker Bell and the Great Fairy Rescue

  3. I’m doing kegels right now. LOL.

    That is just one great episode. I would have watched Dr. Oz for that, usually I hate him.
    Alison recently posted..Landon is Old!

  4. OMG! LMAO! I can’t believe you really posted this. hahahahha

    I was laughing so hard at you that my boys kept staring at me. Awesome.

  5. You never cease to amaze me with your wit, personality, spunk, shitheadness (is that a word?) and useless information!!!! LMAO! :D

    **((**All sorts of mushy shit to ya chica**))** ;)
    Stefanie recently posted..Wordless Wednesday

  6. I’ve seen a dilator before. (not IRL) There was a girl on a message board I was on that had pain when having sex so she had to use different size dilators to get it opened up.
    Paula recently posted..The Cat in the Hat- Wings and Things Review!

  7. OMGosh…you are sooooo gonna get all kinds of freaks trolling your site for this!!!! This was totally funny and worth the post! ;D
    Jenn@FFP recently posted..Free Week To Rock at the School of Rock

  8. Hilarious. Best part is that show is on in the afternoon here. Wonder if I can still catch it LOL
    Amanda @ Confessions From HouseholdSix recently posted..Baby Gear Caters to Fat Babies

  9. LOL you two crack me up.
    Nina Say @ The One Fantastical recently posted..Clientele Thermal Pumpkin Facial Scrub Review

  10. oh my gosh. That was freaking hilarious!! We taught my 3 yo to call it a vagina, I hope that doesn’t backfire on me.

    I had no idea bout 40 years old! I know at 30 supposedly a woman hits her sexual peak. That will be a fun age!
    Annie recently posted..My Oral Hygiene is about to Improve

  11. Holy shit, I peed myself. This cracked me up! And now I’m jealous because you and I don’t converse about vaginas so I’m feeling screwed and not in a good way. WTF Cheryl? Is my 43 year old thin vagina not good enough for you?
    Creative Junkie recently posted..I was almost going to tell you a story of how Nate enlisted the help of the Buffalo Bills and ginormous boulder holders to kill me dead

  12. LMAO Do you realize how many Google hits you are going to get with Vagina in your title? ROFLMAO!!!! OMG I am dying over here!

  13. Hilarious! I also want to DISAGREE with the good doctor- I have more and better orgasms now than when I was in my 20′s (I’m 40) :p
    Lorri Jeanne recently posted..The Secret Holocaust Diaries

  14. Oh Cheryl!! You crack me up!
    Nicole recently posted..Cutting Out Caffeine -Almost Wordless Wednesday

  15. Oh this is my FAVORITE post EVER! Thanks for making me laugh so flipping hard! Vagina talk is always good convo!!
    Shop with Me Mama recently posted..Recent Winners!

  16. They are wicked UGLY too! Yuck!

  17. I was seriously LMAO over here at y’alls conversation. I never say vagina, to me it feels like a bad word, though I seem to have no problem saying fuck so I’m not sure what that is all about. Anyway great vagina lesson I didn’t realize I knew so little about mine lol.
    Allison recently posted..Piggy Paint- Project Earth Tween Polish Line ReviewGiveaway

  18. I read this earlier and didn`t get a chance to comment. All I have to say is your crazy girl, I could never write something like this on my blog or hold a convo like that with my friends there are all to square. Guess I know who to call when I need to talk about my Va jay Jay ! Love ya girl
    Lisa@gardenofmany recently posted..Toddler Talk Tuesday -3

  19. What it be sad to say I’m bookmarking this post. Seriously? lmao
    Kas
    Kasandria recently posted..Giveaway Green &amp Brown 4 Tier Diaper Cake

  20. hehe that is hilarious.
    Jenny recently posted..Day 4 – A photo of my best friend

  21. LMAO!! I sooooo do not want to have this discussion in my house!
    Abby recently posted..Wordless-Wordful Wednesday-Carlie and the Dinosaur

  22. LOL!!! I loved that, and shared the lessons with my husband who just shakes his head.

  23. Love it, Cheryl! :) I particularly love the rather very, er, sexual vagina looking flower beside the dilators in your picture. Holy suggestive! Reminds me of the flower scene in Floyd’s The Wall!

  24. This is TOO funny! I love the conversation between you two LMAO. Great post – thanks for making me laugh!
    Jennifer-Eighty MPH Mom recently posted..More winners at Eighty MPH Mom

  25. I know I read this when you originally posted it but I didn’t comment….I must have been speechless…still kind of am ;)

Trackbacks

  1. [...] one is my favourite!! I was digging deep to come up with a post that could top yesterdays. Sadly, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to top it. That was a great [...]

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  6. [...] 40th birthday, hope it’s not too tough on you!! You’ll have to let me know if 40 really is the new 30. /* Filed Under: [...]

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